Belichick & Lynch: The Ultimate Conversation

I’m thankful

The following is a transcript from a conversation that took place between Patriots coach Bill Belichick and Seahawks running back Marshawn Lynch during a break in today’s media session at the Super Bowl:

Bill (BB): “Um, I like, like, a little puppet.”
Marshawn (ML): “Yeah.”
BB: “You can kind of put your fingers in.”
ML: “Yeah.”
BB: “It’s a little monkey, and then he can talk and move his fingers and nod his head, so he can kind of talk back to you.”
ML: “Thank you.”
BB: “Wet. Sticky. Cold. Slippery.”
ML: “Thank you.”
BB: “This week it’s all about Seattle.”
ML: “Nope.”
BB: “Wet. Sticky. Cold. Slippery.”
ML: “Yeah.”
BB: pauses to clear his sinuses/lungs/throat with a series of grunts
ML: “Thanks for asking.”
BB: “My attention is focused on the Seattle Seahawks.”
ML: pauses to jam some Skittles in his mouth
BB: “Wet. Sticky. Cold. Slippery.”
ML: “Nope.”
BB: grunts, followed by “The balls we practice with are as bad as they can be.”
ML: “Yeah.”
BB: “However bad we can make ’em, I make ’em.”
ML: “Thanks for asking.”
BB: “This week it’s all about Seattle.”
ML: “Yeah.”
BB: “Wet. Sticky. Cold. Slippery.”

There was then an awkward pause, followed by the sound of loose Skittles hitting the floor and 30 seconds of nasal snorting from Bill. The two then wandered off in different directions. All who witnessed it stood there, agape.

Note: Actual quotes delivered at recent press conferences were used here to simulate what it would be like if the two of these great orators actually spoke in public.


About ejnshow

Runner. Writer. Lover of the absurd. Hobbies include bringing all three of these elements together.

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