Breaking the Silence

The internet is abuzz with clips and quotes from Monica Lewinsky once again almost 16 years after her scandalous affair with President Clinton dominated the headlines. Ms. Lewinsky has broken her silence to say that “Sure, my boss took advantage of me, but I will always remain firm on this point: it was a consensual relationship.”

This bit of news popping up into the mainstream has motivated another involved party to step forward to try to clear its name. The cigar allegedly used as a prop by Ms. Lewinsky made a surprise appearance on the Today show this morning to clear its name. “My relationship with Ms. Lewinsky and Mr. Clinton was not a consensual one at all.”

Perhaps no one ever expected this witness to ever get the courage to speak out, but in this age of the internet everyone seems to have a voice and the cigar finally found its. In a statement released today, the cigar (or Cohiba, which is the name it’s currently going by) had this to say:

“I had big dreams. My buddy Montecristo got smoked by Mr. Clinton in a room full of showgirls and escorts. I could only have dreamed to be so lucky. As far as cigars go, this was the big time. And then one afternoon, as I was lying in the humidor having a pleasant chat with Sancho Panza, the lid popped open and my world was shattered. First of all, who was this intern that was manhandling me? Then the horror…the unspeakable horror when I saw that she wasn’t going to enjoy me for the purposes I was rolled… I just thought to myself, ‘Is this really why I came over on a boat from Cuba?’

Cohiba is rumored to be working on a book and movie deal. The tentative title for the project is “Oh, The Places I’ve Been” and is expected to released in the fall. Daniel Radcliffe appears to be the frontrunner to land the role of Cohiba in the film adaptation.

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About ejnshow

Runner. Writer. Lover of the absurd. Hobbies include bringing all three of these elements together.

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