Tired of “Februany”, Bring Back Smarch!

Subway, can we please stop with this ‘Februany’ crap? I can’t go another 11 days seeing that garbage on TV. Ndamukong Suh stomps on heads, but we’re expected to believe that he giggles like a little school girl while trying to say a stupid word like ‘Februany’? Really? The commercial would be more believable if he kicked Ryan Howard in the groin (Suh style!). March can’t come fast enough.

I just want some honesty out these commercials. Is that too much to ask? Show Suh tossing around some Subway workers when they ask him if he wants to make buy a cookie for a dollar more, but don’t show him having a tickle fight with Ryan Howard. Nobody wants to see that.

I find these attempts to reshape someone’s public image to be more annoying than the bad behavior that got them in trouble to begin with. Those commercials that Samsung came out featuring Lebron James being “normal” set to a smooth, easy going soundtrack were the worst. If you don’t remember those, one was set in a barbershop and another was at home having breakfast with his kids. First of all, they were like three minutes long and were such an obvious attempt to change our minds about him that they made me dislike him even more.

Forget about the corny antics and just give me a few more years without any “Decision”-type crap and I might not loathe you anymore.

I can’t wait to see what’s in store for Tiger Woods when sponsors get back on board. Whoever is in charge of resuscitating Tiger’s image has their work cut out for them. Here’s something I think they would do:

The scene: Tiger driving an Escalade with a group of friends down the strip in Vegas. The guys are all excited for a bachelor party. The guys start clamoring for a strip club. Tiger will have none of that and convinces his friends to enjoy a quieter, more respectful night. “Guys, let’s get tickets to Celine Dione instead. We’ll donate the money we would’ve spent at the strip club to a women’s charity.” Everybody cheers. Cut to Cadillac slogan.

That will be painful to watch. Oh, and for those of you who are not familiar with Smarch, here ya go:


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About ejnshow

Runner. Writer. Lover of the absurd. Hobbies include bringing all three of these elements together.

2 responses to “Tired of “Februany”, Bring Back Smarch!”

  1. Betsy Powers says :

    Just don’t pick on my Honda President’s Day commercial!! Tom and I love that one.

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