Oh Captain, My Captain!
Thoughts from my last trip, which involved flying and a bus ride.
On the first leg of our journey home, some air travel related tidbits popped into my head. I don’t fly too often, and maybe because of that I either don’t know the answer or focus on things that would be background noise to more seasoned flyers. Lucky for you (can be said sarcastically), I don’t fly too often and was motivated to write about my observations of the captain and his spritely crew.
Can anyone explain what happened to the curtain separating the first class section from the rest of the cabin? The curtains I saw accomplished nothing besides scaring away poor people who are deathly afraid of sheer fabric. These things were completely see-through and didn’t even completely hide the upper class from our lowly field of view.
I say effectively because one did have it, but it shut off as soon as we crossed into international waters. It was a ninety minute flight, and it took us about thirty minutes to reach international waters. We couldn’t even turn on electronic devices until twenty five minutes in, so what’s the point?
We’re on a Peter Pan bus as I finish this up. This beat down POS bus has WiFi (it seems their entire fleet does), which leads me to believe that bus technology has far surpassed airline technology. The WiFi mine as well be non-existent here since the gentleman in front of us appears to be downloading the entire internet. Save some for the rest of us, d-bag! It’s like standing in line at a water fountain, just waiting for a quick drink, but forced to watch the asshole in front of you fill up twenty of those big water cooler containers. The internet will still be there once you get off the bus, you anonymous ass clown, cut it out!
I don’t mean to make buses sound glamorous, don’t get me wrong. During our four hour ride I was forced to use their outhouse on wheels. That was pretty scary! The ride became so rough I was fairly convinced that I’d either bounce out the window or ended up somewhere in that waste tank. I think bus driver decided to drive on the shoulder of the road when I went in there. He’s no captain! Airplane bathrooms seems luxurious compared to that bus restroom.
Enough potty talk! Where were we? Oh yeah, WiFi. Have we really not advanced technology far enough where we can’t have WiFi on each and every flight? If my flight doesn’t have it, I don’t want to hear about how you may offer it. Don’t tease me with that shit! That’s right up there with going throughout the cabin and telling all of us peasant folk what is being offered to the first class elite behind that damn curtain. Wait a second…was that seemingly useless curtain keeping all of the delicious WiFi from leaving first class?! Well played, American Airlines, well played indeed.
For now, this is your captain speaking. Sit down and put on your seat belts (siéntese y póngase el cinturón de seguridad), please enjoy the thought of WiFi, and don’t even think about looking through our see-through curtains! You’re flight attendants will be around shortly to show you a movie of your drink selections. Thanks for flying the absurd skies!
About ejnshowRunner. Writer. Lover of the absurd. Hobbies include bringing all three of these elements together.
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